


I Find My Peace With You

by electricteatime



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: But He Gets There, Established Relationship, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, M/M, The Universe Shuts It's Goddamn Mouth, domestic bullshit, fluffy fluffy fluff, honestly this is just sickeningly cutesy fluff, trouble with emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 18:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15006314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricteatime/pseuds/electricteatime
Summary: “I think,” Dirk says after a moment, keeping his voice quiet. “What I’d really like to do is just…” he looks up through his lashes, and the shyness is genuine this time, “stay here with you.”Todd’s stupid traitor heart skips a beat.***Sometimes the universe is quiet, sometimes they get lazy days.It's kind of perfect.





	I Find My Peace With You

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this. It's been sat in my WIP's forever and I wrote it when I was challenging myself to write something different to my usual angst but it's finished now and I thought I'd share. 
> 
> It's just fluff, guys. So much fluff. 
> 
> If you wished me a Happy Birthday today then this goes out to you because you made me feel warm and fluffy too <3

There’s rain at the window, pitter-pattering against the glass in a way that makes Dirk think he’s back in England for a split second when he first wakes up. The cold air against his toes where they’re just peeking out under the covers is enough to let him know his original assumption was wrong though, when left alone Dirk never uses the covers, that’s someone else’s doing. Someone else who is missing, but has left a warm spot that Dirk immediately rolls into as soon as he notices, sighing in contentment. 

His sigh is mirrored not long after, following the sound of a door closing and bringing the smell of coffee and tea with it. 

“You’re on my side of the bed,” it’s trying to be grumpy, rough with sleep but there’s no hiding the fondness to his tone. Dirk grins where he’s buried his face into the pillow and turns his head to blink his eyes open. Todd is the first thing he sees, hair ruffled and sleep soft with pillow creases still lining his face, and Dirk has never had a better start to the day. 

“My side is warm too,” he offers, not making the slightest indication that he might move. Todd rolls his eyes and smacks his shoulder with the paper he’s holding out to him, but he relents a moment later when he crawls into bed alongside him. Dirk takes the paper, setting it aside without sparing a glance, choosing instead to watch Todd scrunch his nose up at his first sip of coffee. Dirk still can’t work out why he takes it black if he doesn’t _like_ it that way, Todd insists he does and that it just takes a moment to get used to but Dirk watches every morning for that little scrunch of distaste that proves him right. Todd catches on quicker today, only a second after he’s done it and raises an eyebrow in the face of Dirk’s knowing smile. 

“Don’t you dare,” he warns, the wrong thing to say when Dirk’s smile turns up to meet the mischief in his eyes. 

“I haven’t got any idea what you’re talking about Todd,” he states primly, pulling himself up so he can drink his tea. He’d tried while lying down a fair few times before now and it had never worked out. 

“Good,” the look Todd gives him is inherently suspicious nonetheless. “Keep it that way.”

“It’s just, you do know that sugar exists don’t you?” he says, peering innocently at him over the edge of his mug.

“Considering I’ve just poured half a bag into your ridiculous monstrosity of a drink, I think it’s fair to assume I do,” the look he gives Dirk’s drink tells him exactly what he thinks of that. Knowing that he did it anyway has him curling his toes into the blankets happily. 

“You’re supposed to say something about how you’re sweet enough already,” it’s teasing more than anything and Todd snorts, shaking his head. 

“When has anyone _ever_ considered me sweet?” he challenges. Dirk, never one to back down from a challenge from Todd, takes it happily. 

“Well there was that little old lady the other day who told me you looked sweet.”

“Yeah, because she didn’t speak to me.”

“She also told me my tie was exquisite, so she clearly knows what she’s talking about.” It had been a particularly good one he'll admit, _and_ she'd called him charming. Dirk liked her.

“Your tie had tiny cat faces all over it,” he says, like this negates the point and having no idea how wrong he is.

“And she _loved_ it, proving that she has perfect taste. Or at least that her taste matches mine, and my tastes happen to include you, ergo she was right.” 

“You are so full of shit.” 

Dirk takes another sip of his tea and gives Todd a pointed look. “ _I_ think you’re sweet.” 

He gets eyebrows in return, scornful and disbelieving. “And we’ve just established that you’re full of shit, so I’m not sure that proves anything.”

“If I asked you to go to the bakery round the corner and get me a muffin you would go.”

“I’d tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“Well, yes. But you’d go anyway, within the hour usually.” Dirk delights in the way Todd visibly struggles to find a way to deny that, knowing they both know it's true.

“To shut you up!” it's a protest, but not one he finds particularly convincing so he just smiles and presses on. 

“No, I’ve tested it. I only have to ask once. I’m working on the timings next, seeing if I can work out exactly how far in advance I have to ask you to get me something in order to have it by the time I need it. It’s very sweet.”

“I-” Todd fumbles for a moment, seemingly outraged by the accusation but Dirk knows better, particularly when he's close enough to see the way his cheeks are starting to flush. “That’s not sweet! It’s not on _purpose_. I always go there for coffee anyway.”

Dirk gives him a moment of silence to show exactly what he thinks of that before conceding, “no, you’re right Todd. You’re an utter bastard, what was I thinking?”

Todd stares disbelievingly, rolling his eyes and turning back to his coffee when it becomes clear he's not going to get any further by arguing his case into the ground. “Shut up. Read your paper,” he grumbles into his mug, it’s too early for this.

Dirk’s smile softens, shaking his head as he leans into his space, “I don’t need to. Not today,” there’s no call to go out looking, no tugging in his gut, and no white noise in his head. The universe is blissfully, perfectly silent for once and he closes his eyes to enjoy the quiet of it, resting his head on Todd’s shoulder. 

“No cases today?” he’s clearly surprised and Dirk can’t blame him, even if cases tend to drop into his lap he usually goes looking for them anyway, trying to get there first and give himself a head start. 

“No _anything_ today,” he corrects, voice soft to match the stillness he can feel where the uncomfortable pushing and pulling usually is. For now it seems, the universe is happy that everything is perfectly in its place, and it sings along the core of his being like the stars have aligned inside of him. The absolute certainty that only usually comes with the quick moments of clarity when he solves a case, filled with an overwhelming sense of _right_. 

It's a bit dizzying, actually.

“Isn’t it, I don’t know, bad? If the universe isn’t telling you anything?” trust Todd to try and make this into a negative, Dirk rolls his eyes even if he keeps them closed. 

“The universe is telling me things, it’s just not telling me to go anywhere. In fact, I think it may get very angry if I even _think_ about moving from this bed.”

Todd is quiet for a very long moment, takes a sip of his coffee before he asks “are you trying to bullshit me?” Dirk doesn’t even have chance to start telling him how utterly offended he is at that accusation. “I know you never want to get out of bed, but using the universe as an excuse is a new one.”

“Most people would probably find it _romantic_ that the universe thinks we’re so perfectly suited that the only time it wants me to stay put is when I’m in bed with you,” he’s more haughty about it than he should be and it’s mostly down to the fact that he can’t believe he’d never thought of that excuse before. 

“Perfectly suited?” there’s something odd about his voice that Dirk can’t quite put his finger on.

“Well, usually I only get feelings about something being wrong and needing to be put right. But right now, here, with you, it just feels… calm. Quiet. Kind of,” he wiggles his fingers in front of him, looking for the words, “like when you finish a jigsaw puzzle or you organise your socks and everything is just _so_. Right where it needs to be. That’s what it feels like. The whole universe in perfect balance.”

Dirk doesn’t talk a lot about what the universe feels like, Todd knows it’s because he finds it frustrating that nobody can ever seem to understand him no matter what words he uses. He’s never quite realised before the scale on which that feeling operates though, and he turns his head to look at the mess of hair resting on his shoulder. 

“Is it like that all the time? Not good, obviously, but- is it really that much... stuff? The whole universe?” he sounds a mix of uncertain and awed even though the implication of it has him frowning. 

“Well, yes.” Dirk fidgets his fingers, unsure if he’s suggesting it’s a bad thing or not. “Usually it’s just background noise and I can block it out except for the _really_ insistent bits, but I can always hear it,” he shrugs, the movement a little stiff. “If I really try to focus on it I can feel it all… everywhere. I don’t do that a lot, if I do then... Sometimes I get sort of stuck? Like my body stops being mine and I don’t know how to get back. If things are _particularly_ messed up or I’ve been ignoring something for too long it can get far too loud to ignore and that’s a whole _other_ problem in itself,” he falls quiet for a moment but Todd doesn’t interrupt him, just waits him out. “It’s rather like having a constant headache which, I _suppose_ , is why it’s nice that it’s...quiet.” There’s a note Dirk always gets to his voice when he’s said something important but doesn’t know how it’s going to be received, it’s something Todd kind of hates. 

“Because it’s… perfect?” he asks into his coffee cup, mostly because perfect is not a concept to be thrown around lightly, and because using it makes him feel like a silly teenage girl with a crush. 

“Perfect,” Dirk agrees, much more confident with it. “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” he turns his smile on Todd, bright and sunny when their eyes meet and it’s quite possible that the ‘silly teenage girl with a crush’ feeling isn’t going anywhere soon. 

“I guess I can live with that,” he sounds like he’s just finished running a marathon. God help him. 

“Good. You’re going to have to, because I don’t have any intention of letting either of us go anywhere,” Todd graciously doesn’t point out that he could likely take Dirk in a fight if he really wanted out. 

“Is that so?” he asks, watching with interest as Dirk takes his mug and sets it aside so he can climb into Todd’s lap, looping his arms around his neck. 

“I’m sorry, did you have something more important to do?” his eyes are wide, head tilted into a picture of innocent curiosity, and Todd wishes he was wearing his tie so he could pull him in and kiss the look off of his stupid face. He can’t though, because he isn’t, so instead he lets his hands rest on Dirk’s sides, sliding them down to settle at his waist. 

“I don’t know. The kitchen needs cleaning, you still haven’t done your paperwork so I’m going to have to do it at some point, we probably need to do some laundry,” he says it like he's seriously considering leaving the bed for any one of these reasons, but that doesn't keep the amusement out of his eyes.

“Oh I see,” he lowers his lashes, aiming for something more demure, “so paperwork is more important than paying attention to me?” 

“I don’t know about that, but the guy I work with can be a bit of an asshole, and he never does his fair share so it kinda piles up and if I've got a day off…” Todd shrugs, and Dirk narrows his eyes.

“Well, in that case…” he leans in like he's going to kiss him, lips barely brushing before he's pulling back suddenly leaving Todd looking confused and a little betrayed. “I suppose I should let you get to it. Clearly this is very important to you, your boss sounds simply terrible.” 

Todd raises an eyebrow and tightens his grip on Dirk’s hips as if to prevent him from going anywhere. “I don't remember saying he was my boss,” he looks stupidly pleased with himself and Dirk _hates_ it.

“It's fairly obvious that he is though.”

Todd looks sceptical, tilting his head when he says, “Is it?” 

Dirk doesn’t even give it a seconds thought. “Absolutely.”

“I don't think so.” Todd is trying not to smirk, he can see it in the curl of his mouth and if they weren’t in the middle of something very important Dirk would kiss it away. 

“Well,” the look on Todd’s face is distracting, and it takes him a moment to find his argument. “If he's making you do paperwork and has the power to give you the day off then it stands to reason that he's your boss.” 

“I think you're drawing ridiculous conclusions based off of limited evidence. Not great, for a detective,” Dirk’s eyes narrow, and he uses his extra height and position in Todd's lap to lean into his space and crowd him against the wall so he has to tilt his head back a little to see him properly. It’s a petty move, but it makes him feel better. 

“ _I_ think you're just upset that you've ended up in a situation where you've found the one authority you don't want to rebel against. It's not in your nature.”

Todd’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “You think you're an authority?” 

“Yes, Todd. I _am_ the one in charge,” the disbelief in Todd’s voice makes him a little more snippy than he usually would be. 

“Oh, no, okay, I get it,” his voice turns to the one he uses when he’s trying to explain what he thinks is a simple concept to a person who isn’t getting it at all. He doesn’t appreciate it. “You're confusing being the boss with being bossy,” Dirk pulls back looking scandalised.

“I am _not_ -” he doesn't finish his sentence, huffing instead in the face of Todd's raised eyebrows, daring him to finish that sentence. “It's called knowing what you want,” he says, haughty and turning his nose up. Todd has to fight to keep the smile off his face, inching his thumbs up under Dirk’s worn out t-shirt and rubbing them against his skin.

“What do you want then?” Todd's voice is just a fraction lower but it's enough to pull Dirk’s interest, looking at him from the corner of his eye before foregoing a verbal answer in favour of cupping his jaw and pulling him into a kiss.

There's nothing of the softness of the morning in it, instead it's hot and wet and not far off being downright filthy in a way that has Todd letting out a surprised sound and digging his fingers in where he's still holding onto Dirk. It doesn't take him long to catch up though, using his grip to pull him in closer, curling his tongue in the particular way that will make Dirk inhale sharply against his mouth. If Dirk is going to play dirty Todd is more than willing to give as good as he gets.

It doesn’t stay that way though, settling into something softer, deeper, the kind of kiss that shudders through him and pools a happy kind of warmth into his stomach. The kind that makes him want to keep on doing this forever and ever and ever and never have to let go. It speaks to something deeper than desperation, something far more important than a simple press of bodies. It’s the kind of kiss you can only give if you really, _really_ mean it, with far too much behind it to ever be considered casual. 

Todd’s breath catches on an inhale when Dirk pulls away, blinking his eyes open blurrily like he’s seeing the morning for the first time all over again. He’s being watched right back, just as quiet, just as full of that _something_ as Todd is. It’s ridiculous, really, the way his heart flutters in his chest when a smile creeps its way onto Dirk’s face, how he feels like he suddenly doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Dirk reaches up to cup his jaw and Todd feels the way it makes a blush spread over his cheeks. It’s worth it, for the way the sight makes Dirk duck his head to hide his smile. 

God. He’s screwed. 

“I _think_ ,” Dirk says after a moment, keeping his voice quiet. “What I’d really like to do is just…” he looks up through his lashes, and the shyness is genuine this time, “stay here with you.”

Todd’s stupid traitor heart skips a beat. 

“C’mere,” his throat is far too dry to manage anything else, but he doesn’t need more. Dirk sighs happily, cuddling into him and resting his head on his shoulder. Todd wraps his arms around him enough to keep him close even though he knows he isn’t going anywhere. 

“Do you believe in fate?” Dirk asks after a long moment, whisper soft where it’s pressed into his skin. 

“I…” it’s a question he would have scoffed at before now, something he wouldn’t even have considered. Like this it’s far harder to dismiss the concept. Dirk saves him from having to answer. 

“I’m connected to everything, you know? Well. Everything is connected to everything, and there’s a _lot_ of everything, but…” he trails off, and for a minute Todd thinks he isn’t going to pick back up. 

“I think… Or, it would be _nice_ to think, with everything… that we were always tied together. That all of these connections, all of these things that I spent years trying to make add up just _had_ to be that way, because if they weren’t… I never would have ended up here. With you. It… if that’s the case, if we’ve always been connected, always heading here then…” Todd finds himself holding his breath, heart racing in his chest while he waits for whatever it is that Dirk wants to say. “It makes it bearable. All of… _that_. Leading here makes it worth it.”

Todd can’t do anything for a moment except tighten his hold, turning his head so he can press his nose in against Dirk’s hair, eyes squeezed shut because he thinks he might cry, or maybe he already is. There are too many emotions welling up in him to name them all right now, too many things he can’t explain, things he’s never felt before and never wants to let go of, never wants to lose. 

He never wants to lose Dirk. 

“I don’t know if I believe in fate,” he tells him softly. “Or destiny, or anything like that but…” he’s going to have to force the words out, because he _wants_ to say them, he’s just never been good at this. Feelings, _talking_ about feelings, about anything that could get thrown back in his face is terrifying to him. Somehow with Dirk it feels less scary. “I believe… I believe in you. And I believe in _this_ , in us.” He swallows, forces himself to keep going. “And I can’t tell you if it was worth it or not, because that’s your thing and you have to decide that, but if doing everything I did the way I did it is what got me here then… Even if parts are shitty, and there are so many things I’d want to change… I’d do it all again. Exactly the same.” 

Dirk is silent, and it does nothing to ease Todd’s nerves. His hands feel clammy, throat closing up so even if he could think of anything more to say he couldn’t get it out. Like he’s waiting for something he’s said to be wrong. When Dirk speaks up it knocks all of the air out of him. 

“Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” 

He says it so simply, like he doesn't have any idea how much he's just shaken Todd to his core. Like he doesn't know how quickly the guilt swells in his stomach, because that's not right at all.

“I'm not-” he reaches for the right words but he can't find them, struggling through the conflicting overwhelming feelings he's having right now. “Dirk. That's not- _I'm_ not-”

“I know,” he cuts him off, smoothing his hand over Todd's shoulder, squeezing his hand at the back of his neck. “I'm not saying that you're an easy person to love, neither of us are, nobody is,” and he wants to argue that of course he is, that Dirk is obviously easy to love, but then he thinks about all the ways in which Dirk can be irritating, the ways he'll throw himself into something without thinking of the consequences, of all the times he seems like he's never going to just stay put for a second. Todd wouldn't change any of it, not the things that make him himself, but that doesn't mean it's always easy to deal with. 

“I'm just saying that… I never have to think about it. I never have to question it, and you… you never make me wonder either. I don't have to… I love hearing you say it, but even if you never did I'd still _know_ you love me and that's-” his sigh is soft, a little shaky but not enough to mean he's upset. Todd knows. “It's amazing, and it's _easy_. I'm always telling people that it's easier just to let the universe put them where they need to be, but I've never felt it before. And maybe for a long time I thought that I never would, that there _wasn't_ a place for me anywhere, but it turns out there is and it's here, with you, like this.” Somewhere along the way his voice had turned to little more than a whisper, shoulders loosening as he relaxed against him. “The universe is… it's so _quiet_ , Todd. Everything is so perfect, so _balanced_ right now it's like…” he shakes his head and it's a motion Todd is familiar with in the rare moments Dirk talks about this. “All of creation, perfectly in tune,” he can hear the smile in his voice, the one that says he knows what he sounds like but there's no better way to put it. “I wish you could feel it. Not all of it, not the rest of the time, but when it's good. Like this.”

Todd's hands haven't stopped stroking their way up and down Dirk’s back since he started talking. He's a warm weight pressed to his front, heavy where he's wrapped himself around him, face pressed against Todd's neck and hair tickling his cheek. The room around them is quiet, sun climbing higher in the sky and bathing the room in a golden glow, clothes strewn across the floor and empty mugs on the side table where their phones lay untouched, unanswered. They have nowhere else to be right now but here. Todd wraps his arms around him a little tighter, closing his eyes to breathe him in.

“I can feel it,” he tells him, whispered into the space between them. He's not... _Holistic_ , he doesn't have any of the connections that Dirk has, but he knows for a fact there's no other way to describe the way he feels right now. The way _this_ feels. It's okay to put his feelings out there, he thinks, especially when there's only Dirk around to hear it. “Of course I can feel it.”

Dirk presses in a little closer, smiling happily to himself. “So, what is it telling you?” he asks, playful.

“What, the universe?” knowing that Dirk knows full well it doesn't tell him anything, he likes to humour him sometimes though. 

Dirk hums in confirmation and Todd sighs, moving to run his fingers through his hair. 

“That you're a dork,” he smiles, teasing for a moment before swallowing, feeling suddenly nervous. “That… there isn't anywhere else I need to be right now than with you.” 

There’s a silence that makes Todd’s heart race, the way it always does when he says something he’s not that comfortable admitting to. It’s worth it when Dirk laces their fingers together, pressing a kiss to the back of Todd's hand.

“Good thing I'm not going anywhere then,” the tension in his chest unwinds and he wonders why he ever worried in the first place. 

“You’d better not be,” he’s committed to this now, once they’d decided to waste the day together there was never any chance he’d be convinced to do anything else. 

“Don’t worry,” Dirk pulls back just enough to smile at him, a smile Todd knows nobody else gets to see. “I’m exactly where I need to be.”

**Author's Note:**

> So! Let me know what you think! I like getting words in return for these words but screaming will also suffice. I hope you like it, I'd ask you to be nice but I already know you're a lovely lot.
> 
> You can catch me at kieren-fucking-walker on tumblr if you want to yell at me/talk to me about Dirk Gently/generally freak out over these two idiots.
> 
> Hopefully I'll see you around!


End file.
